17 Historical Figures Who Died Very Dumb Deaths

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17 Historical Figures Who Died Very Dumb Deaths

If you take anything away from this list, let it be how lucky we are to have antibiotics nowadays.

Published 1 week ago in Facepalm

Many of the figures we learn about in history class are lionized, seen only through the lens of their contributions to society, science, and conquest. What we’re less likely to hear about, though, are their ignominious deaths. And I can understand why. Many famous figures from history have died downright embarrassing deaths.

If you take anything away from this list, let it be how lucky we are to have antibiotics. Probably like 90% of really embarrassing deaths from history could have been prevented with a simple trip to the pharmacy.

Check out these 17 completely ridiculous and avoidable demises.

1
Overdosed on cherries and milk
President Zachary Taylor died of a bacterial infection of the small intestine that he contracted by overeating cherries and iced milk at a Fourth of July party in 1850.

2
Death from laughter
Chrysippus was a Greek Stoic philosopher who died in a not-so-Stoic way. He literally laughed himself to death because he saw a donkey eating figs and drinking wine. Humor must have been different back then.

3
Conquered by a nosebleed
Attila the Hun, one of the most fearsome and infamous warriors of history, did not die on the glorious field of battle. He passed away the night after his wedding celebration, after falling asleep with a nosebleed and apparently choking on the blood.

4
Scarf got snagged
Isadora Duncan, a famous dance pioneer and choreographer, went out for a nighttime drive in 1927 wearing a long, flowing scarf. The scarf became caught in the wheel well while driving, pulling her out of the car and killing her.

5
Pinkerton’s poodle
Allan Pinkerton, the founder of the infamous Pinkerton detective agency, died from a tongue infection that he got when he was walking his wife’s poodle. The poodle’s leash became tangled around his legs, tripping him and causing him to bite his tongue, leading to the fatal infection.

6
Smothered by laundry
Draco, a 7th century BC Athenian politician, was the author of fierce criminal codes, and where we get the word ‘Draconian.’ He still had adoring fans, though, and when he made an appearance on stage at a theatre, the crowd showered him with pieces of clothing to show their adulation, suffocating him to death.

7
Bitten by a monkey
King Alexander of Greece ruled for only 3 years, because his reign was cut short in 1920 by a bizarre death. While walking the grounds of his estate, Alexander encountered his dog fighting the palace’s domesticated pet monkey. While trying to break up the fight, the king was bitten by the monkey and later succumbed to sepsis.

8
Too good of a lawyer
Clement Vallandigham, a 19th-century lawyer and politician, had a case where he wanted to prove that a man had accidentally shot himself. So, while demonstrating in court how this could be possible, he accidentally shot himself.

9
Waiter, there’s a fly in my wine
Pope Adrian IV is the only Englishman to ever become pope. He died by choking on a fly that was floating in his wine glass.

10
Bodybuilding contest
King Wu of Ancient China challenged a bodybuilder to a contest of strength, where they competed at lifting a heavy bronze cauldron. The bodybuilder lifted the pot with no issue, but when the king lifted it above his head, his leg buckled under the pressure, and his kneecap and shin bone broke. Not long afterward, blood came out of Wu’s eyes and he died.

11
A Greek tragedy
Aeschylus was an ancient Greek playwright who was often called ‘the father of tragedy.’ His death was certainly tragic, to the point it verged on comedy. According to multiple sources, he died when an eagle dropped a tortoise on his bald head, mistaking it for a rock.

12
Massive overkill
For Rasputin, the infamous Russian mystic, one cause of death wasn’t enough, and neither was two. The faith healer was supposedly poisoned twice, shot multiple times, bound up, and thrown in a river before finally drowning.

13
Brahe’s burst bladder
Tyco Brahe, a Renaissance astronomer, attended a banquet in Prague where he decided to not be impolite by leaving the table to use the bathroom. When he arrived home to finally urinate, he discovered he had held it too long and could not empty his bladder. He endured excruciating pain before dying of an apparent burst bladder.

14
From beyond the grave
Sigurd Eysteinsson was a 9th-century Viking Earl in Scotland who died in a strange way. After killing and beheading his enemy Mael Brigte, Sigurd tied Brigte’s head to his horse’s saddle as a trophy. As Sigurd rode his horse, he received a scratch from Brigte’s tooth, which became a major infection and claimed the warlord’s life.

15
Jing's toilet tumble
Duke Jing of Ancient China was warned by a shaman that he wouldn’t live to enjoy the next harvest. When the harvest rolled around, Jing was about to sample the new wheat when he felt the urge to use the bathroom. He fell through the hole in the toilet and drowned in the latrine pit below.

16
Last meal
King Adolf Frederick of Sweden was a peaceful monarch who enjoyed the finer things in life, especially food. On February 12th, 1771, he enjoyed a dinner of lobster, sauerkraut, caviar, and kippers, with huge amounts of champagne, followed by a dessert of a whopping fourteen servings of sweet buns. The sheer amount of food was enough to end his life.

17
Famous last words
Union Army general John Sedgwick went down in history for perhaps the most ironic last words of all time. During the Civil War, the general walked out into heavy fire, and told his comrades to be more brave. He said, “Why are you dodging like this? They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance” before being shot in the face and dying.